Lessons from my Cat

Viewpoint on Timing, Trust, and the Discipline of Waiting

We have a cat named CeCe. If CeCe wants nothing to do with you, you know it immediately. She keeps her distance, stays alert, and makes it clear that this is not the moment. There is no confusion and no mixed signals. The boundary is obvious.

And then there are the other times. Usually when I am lying in bed, CeCe will quietly climb up and settle directly on my chest. No announcement. No request. Just a calm decision that says, I am okay with you. She purrs. She relaxes. She chooses closeness. But it only happens on her time. If you try to rush it, grab her, or force the moment, she disappears just as quickly as she arrived.

People are not that different.

In my work and in my own leadership experience, I see this pattern constantly. After a meeting, a one on one conversation, or a missed expectation, a leader will say something like, I wish she would have said something. I had no idea that is how they felt. If I had known, I would have handled it differently. The assumption is that the other person chose silence. More often, the truth is simpler. The moment did not feel right yet.

Not everyone is wired to process out loud. Some people need time to think. Some need emotional safety. Some need reassurance that honesty will not be punished. And when power dynamics are present, especially when you are the leader, the barrier to speaking openly becomes even higher. Just like with CeCe, trust is not demanded. It is invited.

When CeCe climbs onto my chest, it is not because I called louder or moved faster. It is because the environment felt calm, steady, and safe. Humans operate much the same way. People are more likely to open up when they do not feel rushed, judged, or corrected mid sentence. They lean in when they sense patience and curiosity rather than evaluation. Creating that environment requires discipline.

It often begins by slowing yourself down. You resist the urge to explain more. You resist the instinct to fill silence. You ask a clear, thoughtful question and then you stop talking. What concerns you about this. What am I missing. Tell me what you are thinking. And then you wait, longer than feels comfortable and longer than feels efficient.

That silence is often the moment of decision. The other person is evaluating whether it is safe enough to step closer. If the space remains steady, they often do. You cannot force honesty and you cannot accelerate trust. You can only create the conditions where it is more likely to appear.

If you are like me, it helps to have a reminder. A reminder to pause. A reminder to ask clearly. A reminder to wait. I think of it as PAW. Pause. Ask. Wait. And when I forget, I think of CeCe. Closeness cannot be commanded. It is chosen.

Leadership works the same way. The good stuff only happens on their time.