Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Connection Starts with Curiosity
There’s a moment in Ted Lasso that has stuck with a lot of people—not because it was loud or dramatic, but because it was true. Ted quotes Walt Whitman and says, “Be curious, not judgmental.” It’s a leadership philosophy disguised as a one-liner.
Most of us don’t realize how quickly we jump to conclusions. Someone gets quiet in a meeting, and we assume they’re disengaged. Someone snaps back in a conversation, and we decide they’re being difficult. Someone misses a deadline, and we label it as laziness or disorganization.
But what if, before interpreting, we asked a simple question:
“Everything OK?”
That small phrase changes the direction of the interaction. It replaces story-making with curiosity. It signals care without demanding explanation. And in leadership, that’s not soft—it’s smart.
Empathy Isn’t a Speech
A lot of leaders overthink empathy. They assume it requires the perfect words, a long conversation, or a therapy-style response. It doesn’t. Empathy is rarely about how much you say—it's about whether you notice.
“Everything OK?” is low pressure. It doesn’t accuse. It doesn’t assume. It gives someone the option to share more without forcing it. The door is cracked open, not kicked in.
And when the answer is “Yeah, I’m fine,” but the body language says otherwise? At least you signaled awareness. People remember that.
Curiosity Lowers Defensiveness
Judgment shuts people down. Curiosity draws them out.
That’s what Ted Lasso modeled. He didn’t react to behavior—he wondered what was behind it. In real leadership, that approach prevents small issues from becoming major ones. It also stops leaders from solving the wrong problem.
“Everything OK?” invites context before correction. It de-escalates tone. It gives people space instead of pressure. And it keeps you from responding to the surface instead of the source.
People Notice When You Notice
You don’t build psychological safety by announcing it. You build it in small moments:
When someone seems off and you check in privately
When a team member underperforms and you lead with curiosity rather than critique
When conflict shows up and you resist choosing a side before you understand the why
It doesn’t mean you avoid accountability. It just means you don’t start with blame.
Leadership Isn’t About Solving First
Good leaders ask before they decide. They care enough to pause before they react.
“Everything OK?” is not a filler phrase—it’s a signal:
I see you.
Something feels off.
I’m not making assumptions.
I’m giving you room to tell me more.
It takes less than three seconds to say and can completely change how someone experiences you.
Curiosity Creates Connection
Empathy doesn’t happen because leaders are emotional—it happens because they’re aware. Curiosity is awareness in action.
The quickest way to show someone they matter isn’t with a program, a perk, or a speech. It’s with a question that tells them you care enough to ask.
And it starts with two words: Everything OK?
